Deep breath…

I just replied to an email from the company I used to contract for. They sent me an offer of more work – close to 100 hours of work – from the end of April. On one hand, I can’t believe they were thinking I’d be ready to go back after only two months! But at the same time, part of me felt oddly comforted by the predictability of going back to the office. Taking notes in my notebook, wearing work clothes, planning how to test a website. Oh, and the contract rates for 100 hours of work. Sigh.

But apart from the fact that there’s no way I could practically go and work those hours anyway (I’m still exclusively breastfeeding, and besides that, Leila is only nine weeks old!), Steve and I have decided that we want to go at this child-rearing in the old-fashioned way, with one parent at home looking after the wee’uns, at least till they (they?) go to school. So that’s five years minimum (more if we had another child).

I have often complained about the nature of working in an office, the whole corporate atmosphere that I dislike, having to work, etc. etc. (I suspect that’s most of what I blogged about when I was in my twenties. How boring!) But now I’m at the point where I’m making a big break from it, I feel a bit nostalgic for the office camaraderie, the technology, feeling like an expert at something (well, at least good at something), the regular income. What I’ve traded it in for is far less predictable, more “up and down”, with no rulebook, established best practice, or pay. Taking this big break also means that when I am able to go back to working, I’ll likely be completely out of touch with the technology, methodologies, and for all I know, all my contacts at the company will have moved on.

But is that even what I’ll feel like doing? Perhaps I’ll retrain, refocus. Perhaps something else will come up along the way, something I never could have imagined were it not for taking time off to raise my child.

I don’t know. The future is now suddenly so uncertain. But I think this is good. Predictability wasn’t making me happy. And though I feel nervous, and unsure of myself in so many ways, I think I’m making the right choice.

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