And already I’ve spent most of the day reading Salon.com and NeilGaiman.com and messing around with weird queries at work, having lunch with Steve, reading “Royal Assassin”, and wishing I was at home. It’s so boring at work lately – nothing much to do, no colleague to talk with and email and hideous boredom. I want a new job! It’s not even as if I’m just sitting around doing nothing – I’ve been applying for jobs, going to interviews, and always I seem to just miss out. I’ve been told “you were our first choice but we had to go with the internal applicant”, “we think you’d be too bored”, and even though experience wasn’t necessary “we went with someone who had more experience”…and on and on. It’s so frustrating. All I want is a change of scene, a change of pace, new thoughts to think, a different schedule. Every work day is the same – go to work, go through the paces, check clock every five minutes or so until the end of the day, drive home with Steve, make dinner, maybe go for a swim or write a game review or preview (more previews than reviews lately), maybe do some reading for class, scribble some notes, wind up bored in front of the TV (we should put an axe through it) or watching a DVD while drinking too much red wine. I’m so desperate to break out of the routine, but my whole life’s become a freaking routine lately.
Don’t get me wrong, some routine is good – helps to set habits and get work done. But frankly, there’s so little point in me coming in most mornings, it’s hard to work up some enthusiasm for the job. I’d be better off at home, planting cabbages in the garden or doing dishes or something. Going to the library, going for a drive somewhere, ringing a friend on the phone. Scribbling down ideas instead of keeping them all in my head.
I’m just not achieving anything.